I remember just a couple of weeks ago, during the holidays before the new year started, I felt excited but also a bit nervous about how I was going to manage all of the tasks and goals I’d set myself. I’d done a lot of thinking and come up with a time structure that I believed would fit in all the things I wanted to fit in without driving me mad – but I was definitely nervous, and I suppose this is because I knew that doing all this stuff would come at the expense of my beloved sleep! Throughout the second half of last year I was quite addicted to retreating to bed at the weekends, often sleeping until noon at least twice at the weekend and spending 12-14 hours in bed some nights. I think retreating is the right word, I was scared of dealing with life on inadequate sleep and know this to be a trigger for me when it comes to eating.
I was right in the sense that so far I have slept much less this year so far! But it hasn’t been a difficult decision to make, because I’ve been really enjoying myself. I think the key has been to pick activities and goals that really mean something to me, that are central to the life I want to build for myself and that I can see coming to fruition in the end. I am enjoying myself almost every moment of every day, and I have so much energy from that and from looking forward to things that even though I’ll be tired initially in the morning or at some low-points during the afternoon, I will be able to get through it and push on with the next thing. I also think I hit the nail on the head with working out that what I needed to feel truly happy was simply to feel like I’d done the things I was supposed to each day – I feel like I’m living life to the full and the more I accomplish, the more hope I have that life will get progressively better as the days go by. I don’t think I felt this way at all last year – I was just kind of surviving, but now I have real HOPE.
The question is, I suppose, how long this will continue. Week 2 has definitely been hairier and more stressful than week 1! It’s important to build in rest-times and even if I can’t sleep, I’m being very careful to schedule one day at the weekend as a proper rest-day where I can lie-in and watch trashy TV if I want to, hang out with the hubs, and make sure to get time each week in the BATH and with my craft stuff, both of which are relaxing and fulfilling activities! Those are the things that’ll keep me sane I guess. I’m also fascinated to discover that some things I previously thought of as chores have become times of almost perfect relaxation and release – workouts are a good example as is our long weekend walk and even times of mindless cleaning! So I suppose that makes it easier to stick with the schedule. I am feeling the benefits and hope to be able to continue – if I can manage not to drop the ball then there’s no reason for me to ever feel down, and I can just let this hope grow and grow.