Friday was my first real “me-day” of 2013 – I deliberately took a whole day just to do restorative and pampering things, and it just so happened that we had a load of snow so I spent some time writing by the window and watching the snow, and it was the first real chance I’d had to take stock since the start of the new year. I think that maybe the first couple of weeks I was easing into things but in week 3, I’ve seen some real progress (more to come on that in a day or two) and have had so much energy to tackle everything, that it’s starting to dawn on me that I could actually achieve the majority of the things I’ve set out for this year – maybe not perfectly or exactly on schedule, but I can to all intents and purposes complete what I’ve set out to if I continue the way I have been.
Something about that suddenly made everything clear for me. I feel like I’ve spent so many of the past few years making haphazard choices or chasing after things I really needed that it’s only now I’m starting to realise what I want – and actually what I want boils down to a few simple things, a limited list of what I want out of life – yes, I’d love to live a life of variety and embrace the unexpected joys that come along, but I’m not out to be an astronaut or get a PhD or anything like that; there are just a few specific things that I would like (not in any order of priority):
- to make some kind of living from music or that plus some combination of creative work (and not have to work in an office forever!) – I seem pretty determined to leave my mark regardless but it would be nice to be able to support myself and contribute to our family income so that I can have more time to be creative
- to see as much of the world as possible
And then incidentally, hopefully:
- pick up as many languages as I can
- have the chance to live abroad again for a while
The rest of the things I want are just things that I suppose the majority of people want:
- a close circle of family and friends and the opportunities for fun times with them
- a home of our own that’s welcoming and supports our dreams
There’s enough there to fill a lifetime but I think also it’s possible to accomplish all of those things, and most of them are incremental – I’m already working on some, and laying the foundations for others. This year could be the last year of several of the constraints on me, and the things I’m trying to accomplish will really unlock the full list of dreams. Interestingly, I didn’t put “lose weight” as a life-goal this time, because I see it as an inevitable component of health in general and definitely a means to accomplishing some of the other goals more easily rather than an end in itself; but it still has to be prioritised for this year on a day-to-day basis because it’s so difficult to achieve, so easy to lose focus on, and so tricky to make up ground with if I get off track. I’m putting in the time to build the skills and confidence that will hopefully mean I can start selling some more music by the end of this year, which would be one step nearer to the big picture. And by paying off our debts and starting to save, we’ll be getting closer to being able to travel and have our own home. So next year, many more of those core goals could come into play – and that feeds back into my motivation to do what I can in the now. Everything I’m doing feels worthwhile now!