Random Update

I am REALLY stressed! I don’t know where it’s coming from but no matter how much I try to squish it down with simplification, positive thoughts, deep breathing, lists of happy things, and better habits, I still find myself pretty close to freaking out about stuff on a regular basis! I don’t feel that bad about it because I have enough strategies and changes to turn that I feel things can always get better but MAN, it’s weird.

Today I was struck by the simple thought of What if I just did everything I was supposed to, did everything right? – ruled out all the emotional reactions and excuses and just got on and did the things that I know need to be done, and I mean EVERYTHING. No shirking the chores or skipping workouts, ignoring the eating plan or slacking off at work. Finding ways to move forward with music no matter whether or not I’m feeling “up” to it.

I don’t feel completely out of my depth and I have the sense that this kind of stress accompanies any kind of major lifestyle change – it’s the hidden factor X, the thing you can’t account for when you’re making plans at the beginning of the year because you don’t know it’s going to arise or what form it’s going to take. It’s the culmination of the minor discomfort of all the tiny day-to-day changes. It’s not bad stress per se, it’s just that I am so hyper aware of the frequency of random thoughts in my mind and recurring over-reactions to a few fairly simple things that I’m blowing out of proportion.

I want to, and believe I can, do better in all the main areas of my life. At the same time I’m aware that some less important things are falling by the wayside – the priorities are deciding themselves largely out of necessity. That’s OK, I think that just means I’m more focused. There are a couple of things I really should address and just can’t seem to figure out at the moment, but most things are under control.

So what happens now? I am making a run for it to the half-way point of the year. 4 more weeks at work and 2 at home. I’m looking forward to finishing F9 (that will make it easier to be better at work as I’ll have more time to focus on actual work), being debt-free and getting my first set of songs ready and perfect. Although it doesn’t look like I’ll make LWY now, I’m looking forward to making more (significant) progress and reviving my wardrobe with some rediscovered items and a few new necessary bits and pieces. Things will be very different going back to work in July – and I’ll have time during the holiday to think things through in their entirety. So it’s just this last push and I’ll be moving on to a different stage, I have to hold it together until then and do absolutely everything I can.

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