It never fails to amaze me how I can fret about things over a weekend and then wake up on a Monday morning feeling on top of the world and like everything is going as it should be – Mondays are magic! I think at certain times of the month, not working out on a Sunday leaves me a little bit down but I probably need that from time to time (I’m pretty sure my body does!)
Anyway, general points about Mondays aside, I worked through a little bit of funk over the weekend and talked out some stuff with HH, who was a big help and mostly just listened (and thought I was a little bit mad, I think ;)) but now I feel much better. Since the end of June I’ve been putting a really big emphasis on working out and eating well (cutting out starches which has meant a pretty huge change in my lifestyle) and I’m 3 weeks in, 4 if you count the week I was off work when I was basically doing exactly the same stuff. My initial target is to get to the last week in September – when I’ve booked a week off to recharge, rethink, and plan for 4Q – which is 12 or 13 weeks altogether (so I am 3/12 or 4/13 down, depending on when you start counting from). The idea of committing to this for the entire Quarter is that, not only is that a good period to see results, but it’ll hopefully feel “normal” by then and the habits will stick in the long term – if I can do it for 13 weeks I can probably do most of it for the rest of my life, that’s the thinking. To be honest sometimes both of those things seem equally hard sometimes, and equally when things feel easy, it’s much easier to see how I could sustain this in the long-term – it’s not THAT much effort really. It’s only a certain amount of effort on certain days. But if I’m tired and grouchy/hormonal it seems like more of an effort!
And tired and grouchy is exactly what I’ve been this week! Partly this is hormonal and par for the course, so I just have to grit my teeth and remember that the actions are the same, however I feel about them – they will end up in the same results as long as I DO what I’ve signed up for. Partly, I think, I didn’t have a “project” this week besides music and cleaning and health, I just had a load of social stuff – which was a lot of fun and I managed not to let it throw my eating off at all, so I was happy with that, but I guess I didn’t feel as “proud” of myself as I did the previous weeks. Week 2, I managed to get ALL my Japanese letters done in one week ready to post – that was pretty awesome, it usually takes me much longer. In Week 1 I guess my achievement was just taking this starch-free thing to work and making it work there, adapting to the different demands of my work-week. This week was all social. For Week 4 I think I will try and get the house back to a really good, spotless condition like it was in my holiday (we can call that Week 0!) and then I have a 4-day weekend so will try to pass some music milestones in Week 5.
The other part of my confusion was, I think, just trying to adapt to the changes in my life and particularly in my weight. I have had some brilliant results but I think I’ve also been putting more pressure on myself than I need to to keep up the pace – I feel like accepted wisdom tells me I can’t carry on like this forever, that my body will slow down or I will slip up, when all I want is to squeeze out one more week of these giant losses. When really, as long as I’m losing 2lb a week on each line and I’m ready to mentally let the weight go, I shouldn’t really put pressure on myself about it – but there’s a fine line between thinking about it and fantasising about it and then translating that into pressure. In what I am now calling Phase I (the first three weeks) I got these results (total weightloss and then breakdown by week):
- Top-line: 10.6lb (1.2/3.4/6) current 232.6
- Mid-line: 23.4lb (5.8/7.8/9.8) current 213.4
- Bottom line for what it’s worth started out at 229 and is now 204.
Yeah, remember that initial target of getting the mid-line to LWY by the second half of August? DONE. Busted. At the very least this week I’m looking at a top-line in the 220s (woohoo!), mid-line in the 200s and bottom line out of them – which is just fantastic. It’s a lot to take in. Obviously the top-line is the slowest-moving but to have any kind of line starting with a 1 after potentially just 4 weeks is nothing short of amazing! I’m overjoyed and also finding it hard to talk to people about in person but I feel like I’m stuck in my own personal little miracle over here just rocking it out.
Something I’ve thought about before and which I think is a bit underestimated is the time your psyche needs to adjust to the changes in your body image. After all, your body is a large part of your identity and pleasant as the changes may be, rapid change is still a lot to take in. I’m actively working on expressing and analysing my thoughts about this and it feels like that’s helping.
And seeing as there’s nothing that makes my mind happier than a fresh start and a new challenge, I am calling Phase I done and officially declaring Phase II open from today! This is a separate phase designed to last roughly half of the time left – 4-5 weeks, and my objectives (based on my progress so far, I’m not here to underestimate myself!) are:
- Top line to LWY (215) – needs exactly 5 weeks like I’ve just had.
- Mid-line to 180
- (I don’t set goals for the bottom line as it’s just to cheer me along!)
Which would set me up for achieving some more milestones by the end of September. I have some dream-goals but I guess we’ll come back and see how far I get through the next 4-5 weeks. It doesn’t at all matter if it takes longer than this but I’m going to try and stay optimistic and keep my motivation high – and feel like I know what I’m working towards.