Tired on the train home

That’s me. Taking the slower train to the station that’s slightly closer to home because I know I can amuse myself just as well on the train as I can at home, it’ll give me time to review my day. The emotional power high I’ve been on non-stop since Friday is finally coming down, I’m tired, hungry and a bit woozy, and yet I have this quiet peace.

One potentially rubbish thing happened today. I found myself in a conflicted situation, floundered,  and failed a life test to the extent that I think I might have lost the fledgling trust of a new friendship. This would be potentially disastrous normally and probably leave me hopeless and wanting to binge and screw up all my goals so I could properly beat myself up – but with what I’ve learned now, I can sit and observe those feelings of disappointment with the knowledge that this’ll pass and things will never be truly bad again.

After all, a lot of great things happened today. I had another great day at work, productive and having a positive influence on the rest of my team, hijinks included. I stepped out of my comfort to say something deep to a recently reconnected friend who I hope will take the meaning to heart, even if they tease me about the delivery. I spent time with another friend getting properly caught up and having the chance in turn to tell my recent stories. I had the most phenomenal swim this morning off the back of some ridiculous energy that came from nowhere. I pulled my weight, played my part, and felt effective in my own life. And now I’m going home and know precisely that all I really want to do is crawl into bed and then have some time to chat to my husband. I don’t have a list to complete or any sense of regret about the day.

This is what living and feeling feels like.

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