7 January 2014

Today was back to work… It was fine, I’m pretty comfortable with my job, there’s nothing particularly stressful I have to deal with and I have bucketloads of friends to chat to and hang out with – I have a pretty sweet deal all in all. I made lunch plans for today, tomorrow and Thursday and with a pretty-much standing arrangement on Friday that’s my whole week sorted!

I am running a sleep deficit (obey of hh’s favourite phrases!) it’s probably only around 4 hours but that’s impossible to catch up in one night during the week. It’s ridiculous to be this far in life without having mastered the art of sleeping adequately (particular fail when necessary sleep is replaced by unnecessary eating!) but I am at least better at dealing with feeling tired. The next phase in this is making sure I get in my baseline 2 hours of daily music practice whenever I have the opportunity, even if I’m tired. Jill Scott tweeted a meme the other day about how you can’t expect to achieve a million dollar career on a minimum wage work ethic, along with other things about working for the dream – which is what I need to do. If I’m tired at work I still get on and work – it should be the same with music which is arguably more important – and I’m not going to lose more than 30 minutes to an hour of sleep. It’s not that big a deal but in that time I could have an awesome new song idea or finish editing something to publish… That time all adds up.

I’ve been pretty emotional today. I know it’s a cycle, but I have had some particularly intense emotions floating around today, mostly from fantasy imaginings. I wonder sometimes if I’m using my strong positive forceful and unyielding emotions to suppress other feelings which are more real but less pleasant… But then how do you say which feelings are real? They’re all real regardless of whether the situations that give rise to them are real or not.

I have spent my whole life running from certain feelings and if I’m suppressing something I would rather know about it now…

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