8 January 2014

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Today’s social excursion was a pen mission! To cheer up the office and have more colour in general. Found a great pack of super fineliners at a great price, and had the chance to hang out with someone awesome in the process. You know those people who are just so cool in every way and you can’t get enough of everything they do?! (ok I may just be a bit obsessive when it comes to friendships…)

Said friend also happens to live with a mega producer for an artist I adore. She said I should go round for their housewarming, then I could meet him – which is great, but bear in mind she knows I sing and write and talk of that would definitely come up… And yet he’s used to working with one of the greatest acts this country has to offer. There’s no way I would have the guts to even own my musicianship in the shadow of someone like that – it seems like child’s play by comparison. I do not have the requisite levels of confidence, determination, passion, skill, belief, and I don’t work hard enough.

How do I get past this? How can I get to the point where I feel able to take what meagre talent and inspiration I may have into that arena? How do I get to feel comfortable around intimidatingly brilliant musicians and feel like I still have something unique to offer, something worth people taking the time to listen to? How do I even start to chip away at the monolithic conviction that I am useless?

These are the boundaries I have to cross this year, each one a battle requiring some kind of fearlessness on my part. I’m breaking out of the safety of assuming I’ll never make it. I’m mustering my strength.

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