7 February 2014

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Part I:

I’ve been trying to work it out a little more, this connection I’m trying to make with other people. What I know so far:
* it needs to be more than one person, one is too intense and too risky
* it needs to be a deep personal connection. Secrets and emotions laid bare. It has to feel like you could potentially eventually tell them everything, even if it’s never possible
* it needs to be a mixture of guys and gals; I’m probably almost at quota for gals, guys I find tough.
* it needs to be as mutual as possible. I have different variations on mutual going on at the moment but the best are when both of you are questing and need to talk it out in equal measure
* it feels like family. Brothers and sisters, older and younger. Affection. Home.

I feel like I am going to suffocate without it but I do NOT know how to cultivate it. The ones I have seem to have happened totally by accident. My only network really is work and I think I’m maxing that out. I’m gonna have to make a concerted effort to meet new people and get involved in wider circles. Music needs to come in here and as quickly as possible. It’s not like you’re gonna find soulmates making eye contact on the train!

What to do in the meantime?

Part II:

I think I may end up nominating February the month of sleep! After a full-on January culminating in this massive shift in mentality I just feel EXHAUSTED all the time – and even beyond that, I have this almost irresistible urge to wrap myself up in the duvet and just REST and ADJUST and HEAL. It’s like a kind of positive, nurturing inertia – I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like it but I just know it’s what I need. I already have a bunch of must-do stuff scheduled in February so I’m leaning towards giving the rest of it over and prioritising R&R, and only doing as much other stuff as I’m inclined to. Just to see what’ll happen. After all, after February the winter will be over and the chance to hibernate is over for another year. I had a chat about the importance of hibernation back in November or something, but I’ve not done it yet. Last chance to fuel myself for changing my complete outlook on life and getting back to dawn starts for the summer.

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