12 February 2014

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(Not today’s mess but I was at a different branch of the same chain at lunch!)

Things are really hectic. Work is utter madness – the project I’m managing is in roll-out and the entire thing is chaos, there is literally not a spare moment in the day, especially since I’m trying to avoid unpaid overtime. It’s satisfying and the work days zip by but it has kept me up at night a bit – I hate no being able to get that balance but I think efficient scheduling and taking a moment to take stock at the end of the day and make a list for the next day are vital techniques to master. Stress is above my pay grade.

Things outside of work are equally hectic – and then of course I’m mentally wiped by the time I get home, and it’s a low energy week in my cycle to boot. My guitar needs more extensive repairs than I realised and that will have to be scheduled at a time when I can focus on other projects – I got some recording done last night so I can work on vocals while the guitar is MIA. Getting it fixed is the next step towards playing the open mic so I’m determined to get it done.

Socially things are always hectic – which I am getting used to. It’s just part of the flow now and I know utter keeps me going. I have a couple of weekends of big/formal events coming up – March may see more frivolous and silly outings. I’m not sure if people have started to click that I’m out and about more, but I seem to have a lot more invitations and opportunities for socialising. Spending more time with people has also radically changed how I spend time with HH and reminded me that we need to spend time together, not always doing other stuff, just hanging out.

Mentally I am hectic too, although two things have happened to limit the amount of navel-gazing that goes on: I’ve internalised a couple of dead cert positive rocks that I keep going back to/clinging on to, and with my mind more occupied with work/music/friends, I have to stay out of the Hole. I have a choice to stay away from the Hole and however I’m feeling doesn’t have to stop me living a fun and effective life out there in the real world. As a result I find I’m more liable to emotional ambush (random sobs in free moments) but marinating less overall. Swings and roundabouts.

When it all feels insane, I am clinging to the really bright moments each day: the amazing compliment I got on a song, a great response to my work project from someone whose life it genuinely will make easier, a last minute invitation to lunch from the person I’m most dying to see.

I need some down-time – proper stare at the ceiling or sit on the train and stare at the floor time, but I have a four-day weekend coming up so I’d say my chances were good!

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