11 March 2014

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I think what happened was, for a very brief moment, I felt like I had exactly what I needed. I could feel it, YES, this was how it had always been meant to be, I had support, I felt loved.

But in life we rarely get everything we need. We have to learn to make the best of what we’ve got, fill in the gaps by ourselves. I’ve been spending too long wishing I could get back to that perfect state; grieving in a sense – that was the only way life would be worth living. I should be amazed that I’ve been lucky enough to have moments like that along the way, where everything DID align. In those moments I was given the chance to lay some demons to rest – and I would be wasting those opportunities, and the memories of the friends who stood with me in those times, if I didn’t go out and make the most of it now, do what I can on my own.

It was more than I ever thought it would be. It was an incredible chance. I’m far better off, far more aware of my inner self, far closer to living with the truth of who I am. That’s where I want to get to, but my heart is still to narrow, too closed, too graceless and grasping and ungrateful.

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