28 August 2014

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Notes from my first French lesson! 

I really wore myself out this week! But what’s different from before is that I don’t dislike the feeling! All it means is that I finally reached the end of my capacities on a temporary scale – I used my powers to the full and reached the outer extent. I finished it. What I need now is a little rest and relaxation, a little self-care, some time to be quiet and read and meditate.

PHYSICALLY – I was at the edge, I’ve been keeping my daily workouts and walking up but not done anything really over-strenuous this week. What really affected me in the end was lack of sleep, I think – there have been nights this week I just haven’t been able to get to sleep and maybe that’s taken its toll. I was out late last night basically partying (not drinking but still, late nights, indulgence and excitement) and up each morning at 5am.

MENTALLY – I had a stunning day of performance on Tuesday, probably 60% of the work and study I actually got done this week happened then. Add to that busy days Sunday and Monday at home, speaking Japanese all last night, and then today having my first French conversation lesson – that was the point at which I realised I really was DONE. I tried to study afterwards and just couldn’t focus.

EMOTIONALLY – I have been over the edge, if anything! It’s been a roller-coaster of a week (and it’s not done yet!) – largely of my own making, but I have been really IN my emotions, I have been being brave, I have been daunted but I’ve stood my ground, withstood the tidal wave of my feelings, and learned as much as I possibly can from the experience of really being in them.

All of that together contributes to a state of complete DONE-ness tonight… but fortunately I have a four-day weekend and only one obligatory prior arrangement to satisfy. That should sort me out. Regeneration to come. Times like this I just want to sink into my spirituality and see what’s new there, shut the world away for a little while.

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