17 October 2014

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Some bits of autumn from the last couple of days.

I’ve been back in London for four days and woke up sick this morning – on some level I think I’m experiencing some kind of revulsion to the way I’ve been living life and how little alignment there is between what’s really important to me and what I’m actually doing. I am painfully, miserably, dizzily aware of the gap between the two, but at least I am aware now. It’s just fear and the feeling of trying to do something unnatural and it really makes me feel crazy sometimes; but those feelings must be overcome. I have time and I have support. I can do this. Almost there.

Courage.
Instinct.
Willingness to take uncomfortable risks.
Ability to recognise and give vent to my feelings as I go along.
I need to keep my head, now more than ever.

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