8 January 2015

It’s been a mixed first week of the new year and the lessons available for me to learn are certainly not linear in the sense that all the things I set out to do went to plan and yielded the results I was hoping for. I’ve had some setbacks and some things have fallen by the wayside but overall I’ve taken to my new plans with gusto, and the difference in lifestyle was already built into the plans I had made so just getting through what I’d planned was a big deal.
* as planned, I worked out 6 days of 7 including 3 strength sessions
* as planned, I gigged twice, two sets of 8 songs and one overlap so 7 different songs
* I did learn some new songs during the time I was at home
* I did one bug editing session on the album and worked on the artwork
* I got off to a decent start with work and managed to keep tabs on the logistics with having less time at home.

I haven’t lost any weight and I didn’t feel as confident at the second gig (which was the one away from my normal club, it’s disappointing not because I performed particularly badly but because I psyched myself out and couldn’t relax and enjoy it) and the album is not yet finished (it wasn’t planned to be but I have final week nerves and self-doubt). A few minor details didn’t quite work out in terms of general-life-stuff but I worked at pushing my dreams forward and that’s the thing, I can have an easy life that goes smoothly or I can keep my big dreams alive amid mild chaos, it’s not always a comfortable choice but that’s what makes it transformative.

Mostly I am pleased that although my panic/doom-and-gloom instinct did start to kick in initially, I was able to adjust pretty quickly. The things that went “wrong” weren’t terminal dream-killing game-changers, I will just need to keep working at it week on week until I get better at the things I can’t quite do yet. There are 51 other weeks to this year besides this one. The most empowering notion hit me (when I was doing weights in the gym, no coincidence) – if it was anyone else’s goals, I wouldn’t be telling them to give up at the first hurdle, and just because it’s ME who’s decided to try to bring about these changes, doesn’t mean they’re destined for failure. If I keep working at it and don’t give up, things will happen in the end. I have decided things are going to be a certain way in the end, so do the work and let it be so.

While there are still things I can do, next-step changes I know how to make, I will keep going.


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